Article in The People Space written by Neil (February 2026)

Neil Munz-Jones published The Reluctant Networker in 2010. It has been featured in a number of leading publications such as The Sunday Times, The Guardian, People Management and Good Practice. In the first in a series of blogs Neil writes about what networking actually means. In future blogs he will cover the many different ways that we can network along with several principles, practical tips and do’s and don’ts from his book.

Networking myths and realities:

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome” William James, American psychologist and philosopher

It is important to have a positive mindset about networking. Done well, networking can be time- consuming and it can be hard to predict what the benefits will be and when they will come. In addition many people have negative thoughts about it based around a number of common myths. As a result it is easy to keep putting off what we know we ought to be doing.

Myth and reality #1

✓ - A means to an end with lots of different ways to achieve it

X - The end itself

A common misconception about networking is that it is all about going to networking ‘events’. It is true that a lot of networking is done this way, but there are many other ways to network as well.

When I run seminars on networking it is amazing how many people’s view on networking goes something like this: a) networking is about going to events and working a room full of strangers; b) I don’t enjoy this and am not much good at it; c) therefore I am no good at networking, so ‘networking may be good for others but it is not for me’. These are what I call in my book ‘Reluctant Networkers’. However when I suggest that meeting up with a former colleague who they had not seen for a few years over lunch or a coffee is also networking, I get a response along the lines of ‘ oh yes I don’t mind doing that’. The response is similar when I suggest getting on LinkedIn and reconnecting with former colleagues and classmates as another form of networking. When participants start to think more broadly about how to network they come up with all sorts of different ways to do it, some of which they even enjoy!

Myth and reality #2

✓ - A lifelong approach to doing business

X - Something to be done when you ‘need’ something (a job, a new project etc)

A lot of people’s negative associations with networking are because they tend to do it only when they need something. Someone in one of my talks described it as a bit ‘grubby’ because she felt like she was asking for a favour, often from people she did not know well. The reality is that when you are working and not used to networking it is hard to get started. Jobs are increasingly demanding and so it is hard to carve out time to go and meet people when you don’t have a specific goal in mind to discuss. If you are not a seasoned networker it is pretty easy to find reasons not to go to that networking drinks or breakfast where you probably won’t know anyone (catch up on some work, go home and see one’s family, read a book, watch paint dry...). So we tend to wait until we need something and then all of a sudden it feels awkward having to ask for help. Effective networkers take a different approach. They view their networks as life-long relationships that they build and nurture over time...kind of like planting trees that become stronger over the years. Even when they are busy and don’t ‘need’ anything they still invest some of their time in meeting new people and developing their existing relationships. It feels so much easier to do (even if you have less time) when you don’t need anything from your networking contacts.

Myth and reality #3

✓ - A two-way activity based on mutual support

X - ‘Using’ people to get what you want

This is closely linked with Myth #2. The best way to build a long-term relationship with someone is to find ways you can help them. Effective networkers will spend as much time helping people in their network as they do getting help from their contacts. I used to work with a colleague who was famous for only calling when he needed something; he never returned our calls. As a result when he rang us we used to say “so what do you want this time?!” and never volunteered anything but the bare minimum of help. Yet most people are fundamentally collaborative, they like to help...and be helped as well. If you view networking in this light, you are likely to find it a much more enjoyable and productive activity.

Myth and reality #4

✓ - Applicable to all working professionals

X - Something only for the bosses or salespeople...or people looking for a job

The final myth revolves around who needs to network. Many people assume that unless they are out of work, they don’t need to network to do their jobs well. Unless you are in sales or a boss that needs to bring in new business, why do it? Yet in today’s digital world where we are all expected to know the answers to everything instantly, networking is becoming an essential tool to do any job well. We could spend hours on the internet researching answers but that can be time-consuming and much of the information will be out of date and of limited value. Yet if we have a good network of contacts where we have built two-way relationships over time, it is amazing how willing these contacts are to help us solve our challenges at work. Networking is a great way to stay ahead of developments in our field, know what the competition are up to, find the best service providers, take up genuine references on potential recruits, find new sources of Finance or grants etc etc.

So think about how you think about networking...what is your mindset and does it need to change? Next up...principles of good networking

About the book and the author:

Since publishing The Reluctant Networker last year he has given talks and run workshops on networking for organisations such as The FT, The IOD and INSEAD as well as several professional services firms. In addition to giving talks on networking Neil runs mdj2 associates a consulting firm working with clients on the Retail sector.

See www.reluctantnetworker.com for more information. Copies can be purchased directly from the site or from Amazon and all other major online book stores as well as selected Waterstones stores.

Neil Munz-Jones published The Reluctant Networker in 2010. It has been featured in a number of leading publications such as The Sunday Times, The Guardian, People Management and Good Practice. In the second in a series of blogs Neil writes about principles of good networking.

In the first blog I covered a number of networking ‘myths and realities’. These touch on some of the important principles of good networking that are covered in The Reluctant Networker:

Principle #1: Change your mindset...we network all the time

Principle #3: Effective networkers build long-term relationships based on trust

Principle #8: Do it while you do not ‘need’ anything

In summary you’ll need to think of networking as a lifelong way of doing business where you give as well as take. And remember that it does not mean having to go to lots of networking events to benefit from networking...events are just a means to an end, not the end in itself.

Here are a few more principles of good networking from The Reluctant Networker. Think of these principles as a framework that underpins all your networking activities.

Principle #2: Develop a style that works for you

There are plenty of experts, good books and courses that tell you all the different ways to network. This may include how to ‘work a room’, and if you are trying to find a new role, standard letters, telephone style and technique and what to ask for when in a networking meeting. When I read many of these they made me feel uncomfortable. Other Reluctant Networkers I have spoken to say they find many of these techniques difficult to embrace, as they make them come across as too ‘pushy’.

The most important thing is to find a style that works for you. You are marketing yourself as a unique individual, not some off the shelf product. In my experience if you want to build personal rapport with people they need to get a sense of the real you. And that is much easier if you are being ‘authentic’ than if you are forcing yourself to do and say things that you find difficult.

There is no one style that is ‘best’. I know effective networkers that adopt very different approaches. Some are incredibly organised and plan their networking in great detail. Others are a lot less structured, and are happy as long as they are regularly ‘out there’ talking to and meeting their network. Some spend all their time at networking events, others focus on one-to-one meetings while others focus on the telephone.

To be an effective networker you will probably need to use all of these activities. But the key is to find the ways to network that you feel comfortable doing and make them the focal point of your activities. It is much harder to stick at activities for a long time that you really

do not enjoy....and remember networking is a lifelong activity! I do go to networking events and I do use the phone but I focus my networking on one-to-one meetings over coffee, a drink or lunch as I actively enjoy these activities. When I go to events I make a big effort and I certainly find that the more I practice, the better I get...but I don’t make going to events the core of my networking activities.

Principle #5: Tap into your network’s networks

“The only thing worse in the world than being talked about is not being talked about” Oscar Wilde

Everybody has heard of the saying “it’s not what you know but who you know”. This principle expands the point to say that it is “who they know” that really counts. If you are a member of the one of the business networking sites such as LinkedIn you can access your ‘network statistics’... This tells you not only how many 1st degree connections that you have (i.e. the ‘who you know’); more importantly it tells you how many people they are connected to (your 2nd degree connections i.e. the ‘who they know’). With over 500 1st degree connections on LinkedIn I have over 100,000 people as 2nd degree connections and this increases to nearly 5 million 3rd degree connections. Think of all those eyes and ears that could be looking out for you.

There are plenty of reports and statistics that show how more jobs get found via networking rather than the formal channels such as responding to adverts or contacting recruitment agencies or headhunters. A US study in the 1990’s (“Getting a Job: A Study in Contacts & Careers”) found that 56% had got their jobs through networking. Critically, of this 56%, over 80% got these jobs through what Mark Granovetter called ‘weak ties’ i.e. a slightly known or recently met contact. The implication of this is that if you can access your network’s networks, you can dramatically increase your chances of finding work quickly. And this is not just true when looking for a job. I have had great help from people in my ‘network’s networks’ just to do my job well e.g. getting help finding answers to new problems, getting recommendations when ‘buying’ services, getting introductions to people when I was recruiting new staff etc.

So when it comes to tapping into your network’s networks, here are a few of pointers:

• Build your network of active contacts...the more you have increases the number of people that you can access exponentially.

• Make sure your network knows you are out there and the sorts of things you are interested in.

• Participate actively in social networking sites such as LinkedIn. They allow you to find really easily which one person of your tens or hundreds of thousands of 2nd (or even 3rd) degree connections may be able to help you when you have a particular need.

Principle #8: Do it while you do not ‘need’ anything

The best time to network is when you don’t need anything. For some reason many people feel uncomfortable asking for help when they need something. It is strange because when those same people are asked for help, they are usually flattered to have been asked and more than willing to help. As a result it is much easier to talk to people when you don’t ‘need’ anything from the conversation. This could be either when talking on the phone (we’ll get onto ‘catch up calls’ in future blogs on Practical Tips) or when talking to someone at an event or in a one-to-one meeting.

Not needing anything takes all the pressure off the conversation. What you are doing in these conversations is building the relationship by getting to know each other better. For people that you do not know that well it is a means to find out what you have in common, whether you get on and how you could possibly help each other out in the future. For people you already know well, it is a way to strengthen the relationship and should be an enjoyable activity!

So even though I am constantly amazed at how willing people are to help (even when I do not know them that well), the issue for many Reluctant Networkers is that they find it difficult to ask in the first place. Building these strong relationships over time makes it so much easier it is to ask for help when you really do need something. You’ll probably also find that you don’t need to ask for help so often because your network of contacts will already be volunteering much of the information and introductions that help you make a success of your career over time.

This is easier said than done! You don’t ‘need’ to network because you already have a role; the trouble is that the role you have leaves you very little time to network with new and old contacts, unless directly related to your work. The best advice is “Make time!” but also try not to be too ambitious/unrealistic about the amount of time you can devote to networking. Try and set aside some time each week or month (one hour a month is less than 1% of your working month) to meet with new contacts or call, email or meet existing contacts. It is amazing how your existing contacts tend to be too busy to keep in touch, yet if you contact them, they respond and are happy to speak or meet.

The next blog will feature the first in a series of Practical Tips on ‘how’ to network, starting with Practical Tips for the time-poor professional!

About the book and the author:

Since publishing The Reluctant Networker Neil gives inspirational talks on networking for organisations such as The FT, The IOD and INSEAD as well as several professional services firms. He has appeared as a guest on BBC Radio and as a networking expert on The Guardian’s Live Q&A. In addition to giving talks on networking Neil runs mdj2 associates a consulting firm working with clients in the retail sector. See www.reluctantnetworker.com

Neil Munz-Jones published The Reluctant Networker in 2010. It has been featured in a number of leading publications such as The Sunday Times, The Financial Times, The Guardian and People Management. In the third in a series of blogs Neil shares some practical tips on good networking. This blog focuses on time-saving ways to network, building on one of the principles of good networking ‘Do it while you don’t need anything’.

People tend to find it much harder to network when they ‘need’ something, especially if they are looking for a job or new project. For some reason many of us find it awkward asking for help, even though these same people tell me that they are quite happy to be asked for help. Networking when you don’t need anything takes a lot of this ‘self-imposed’ pressure away. All well and good you may say but I don’t need anything because I already have a job...the problem is that my job takes up all my time so I find it hard to make time for networking.

So what are ‘time-effective’ ways to network for the busy person?

A great starting point is to make the most out of modern technology, particularly email and social networking sites. LinkedIn has become the social networking site of choice for the business/career aspect of most UK working professionals and makes it very easy for you to keep in touch with your connections. And if you are not a regular user of LinkedIn, other sites including Facebook and Twitter as well as other business networking sites also enable you to communicate quickly and effectively with your network.

Herearesomeactivitiesthatyoucaneasilydotokeepintouch. Theydoalltakesometimebutalot less than going to a networking event every week! Some are ones where you want to communicate with everyone in your network, others will be much more personalised activities.

General updates:

• Inform them of a change of contact details (email address, phone number etc)

• Inform them of a new role either within your company or when you change companies

• Get sponsorship for your charity-fundraising; given that it is about raising money for a good cause it has become an ‘accepted practice’ for people to do a mass email or message their contacts on LinkedIn or Facebook to ask for sponsorship for their fundraising activities

• Post a ‘Share an Update’ on LinkedIn (or equivalent on other networking sites) on what you are up to or an interesting article/book that you have read

• Christmas email message/card; if you are really short of time send a ‘standard’ one out to everybody but the more you can personalise it the more impact it will have. It’s pretty easy

to add each person’s name to a Christmas email message but even then I personally don’t put a huge value when I receive this type of communication. I recommend adding a line or two that makes the message personal to each individual as this is a much more powerful communication. However this takes more time, so consider sending personalised messages to key contacts and a more general one to everyone else, depending on how much time you have.

Some people may find this ‘mass marketing’ approach uncomfortable so please remember the Principle from the last blog “Develop a style that works for you”; if you really find this awkward read on and work on more tailored messages. Also remember that the more ‘mass marketing’ the message is the less likely it is to be read.

Rather than contacting everyone you could tailor different messages to different sets of people. To do this efficiently you probably need to have organised your contacts into relevant groups (maybe customers, colleagues, suppliers, general networking contacts etc) via your database of contacts and e.g. on LinkedIn via the ‘Tag’ facility (use the Contacts>Connections tabs to set these up).

You can then do similar activities to those listed above to a more relevant target audience. Taking this to another level of personalization, how about more one-to-one communication:

• Make introductions; ‘connecting’ two like-minded people who may be able to network together is a great example of the ‘giving’ aspect of networking and can be done via a short email copying both parties and explaining why you think they should ‘connect’

• Forward on interesting articles that are particularly relevant to an individual

• Forward on publicised jobs/projects that you come across that may be of interest to them

• Rather than just focus on a Christmas email, how about wishing a Happy Diwali (Hindu Festival of Light) or Eid (Muslim end of Ramadan) or Hanukkah (Jewish Festival of Lights) to your relevant contacts

And don’t forget that if you work for a company or organization to make the most of any ‘corporate collateral’ such as articles, case studies, press releases that you can use to forward on to relevant individuals.

Moving on from email and the internet what about using your phone? Getting into the habit of ‘catch up calls’ when you have a spare half an hour is a great way to keep up with your key contacts who you have not seen or spoken to for a while. While they may be too busy to call you most people appreciate a call with a “we haven’t spoken for a while and I was wondering how things are going...” introduction. Even if all you do is leave them a message, you have made an effort which helps to go towards the principle of good networking: “Effective networkers build long-term relationships based on trust”.

And finally think about how you can do some ‘face-to face’ networking that does not take up a lot of your time:

• Invite one or two contacts to an event that you are already planning to attend....it is an easy way to catch up with people without having to invest in a separate meeting, lunch or coffee

• If you are travelling think about who else you might want to meet up with in that location and see if they are free to meet: “I’m in your town/area/building on xxx day and was wondering if you had time for a quick chat/coffee?”

In both these instances even if the person says no you have still established contact and I often find that this can lead to a subsequent meeting or dialogue.

So in summary don’t be put off by the thought that networking is too time-consuming for the working professional. Leverage the use of technology to make it quick and think about all the easy reasons you can find to keep in touch with your contacts.

About the book and the author:

Since publishing The Reluctant Networker last year Neil gives inspirational talks on networking for organisations such as The FT, The National Audit Office, Barclaycard, The IOD and INSEAD as well as several professional services firms. He has appeared as a guest on BBC Radio and as a networking expert on The Guardian’s Live Q&A. In addition to giving talks on networking Neil runs mdj2 associates a consulting firm working with clients on the Retail sector.

See www.reluctantnetworker.com for more information. Copies can be purchased directly from the site or from Amazon and all other major online book stores as well as selected Waterstones stores.

“If you are going to go make the most of them”

Neil Munz-Jones published The Reluctant Networker in 2010. It has been featured in a number of leading publications such as The Sunday Times, The Financial Times, The Guardian, People Management and Good Practice. In the fourth in a series of blogs Neil writes about tips for going to networking events.

Events dominate peoples’ thoughts about networking, usually raising difficult questions: Should I go at all? If so to which ones? What will I say? How will I break into an established group? How to I get out of a conversation that has gone on too long? When should I switch from social niceties to business? How do I approach the important people who look too busy to talk to me? In fact so many questions it is easy to talk yourself out of going at all!

Here is some advice, with the overall principles of;

• ‘if you are going to go, make the most of them’...

• ...and remember the principle in my 2nd blog “Develop a style that works for you”

Before you go

• Be selective. Focus on events that are likely to have people that you will want to network with; if you start going to events and they don’t lead to anything useful you are likely to be put off; go to ones where you are likely to meet the same people, so that you can start to build a relationship with people that you meet more than once.

• Be clear on why you are going. Even though I now enjoy many of the ones I go to, I would not choose to go to them in my ‘free time’. So I need to get something productive out of them such as new contacts or old contacts revived. So I prefer to have several conversations that are long enough to ‘make a connection’ (i.e. do we get on/want to keep in touch going forward and so we should exchange business cards), but not so long that I only have one or two. Saying hello to most of the room without really ‘connecting’ does not achieve my objectives (save that for the celebrities...).

• Consider going with a friend, but if you do, split up and meet people you don’t know; introduce each other to interesting people you have met and leave together but remember this is a networking event, not a drink with a friend.

• Have some ice breakers prepared along the lines of “Hello, I’m xyz, do you know many people here?”, “Where have you come from?”, “What line of work are you in?” “What brings you to this event?”. Think FLOR: Family, Location, Occupation, Recreation as good

topics of conversation for new people. I usually start with Location and Occupation before moving on to Family and Recreation (including holidays).

Once you are there

• If there is a delegate list, see if there is anyone you want to meet and go and find them; your hosts can help with introductions, so a “I’d really like to meet xyz, would you mind introducing me” should work.

• Be confident! Make eye contact, smile and look like you are a natural. There will be many others in the room not feeling 100% confident and in their element...it is not just you who may be feeling like that. If you look like you would rather be somewhere else, you are unlikely to meet many people and have useful conversations.

• When you turn up, you’ll need to start a conversation. If you are not a ‘regular’, it may be easier to talk to someone else on their own. It can be harder to break into an existing group, unless you know someone in the group already. As well as asking questions (remember FLOR), be prepared to talk about yourself and share information. Once you are more confident, you can ‘barge in’ on established groups in a polite way. Make sure you listen; people love to talk about themselves, so don’t just ask some questions (with sincerity!) but practice ‘active listening’, it’s a great way to build rapport.

• Don’t worry too much about rushing to talk about business if it does not make you feel comfortable. Keep it social and then if you need to talk business with someone you have met, consider asking for a follow up 1-2-1. If you have a ‘need’ (e.g. job seekers) say you’d like to ask their advice/pick their brains...i.e. a combination of flattery and not putting them under pressure.

• If you are already in a group talking, keep an eye out for people trying to join in.

Turn your body to ‘let them in’ and in a break in the conversation, tell them what is being discussed and introduce yourself; this is a nice gesture that will be appreciated, especially by others who are not natural ‘event networkers’.

• How do you approach the really important people that look too busy to talk to you? Firstly do you have to talk to them...if they are that busy will they be willing/have time to help you? If you really do need to talk to them, think of an interesting/amusing ice-breaker (e.g. a female lawyer colleague usually made reference to her pink/yellow dress standing out in a mass of dark suits) and then be specific and bold about what you want to ask them.

• ‘Moving on’ to another conversation can be difficult. But remember this is a networking event, so it is ok to have lots of short conversations. This can be easier if you are in a group than in a 1-2-1 conversation, but if you have met some other people already, why not introduce the person you are talking to now to them. Here are some ‘exit’ lines you could try:

“Will you excuse me, but I need to find/I’ve just seen xyz and I am keen to talk to him/her”

“It’s been a pleasure talking to you but we/I ought to go and mingle”

“I’d better let you/we ought to go and network”

If you are feeling really bold: “you must be bored talking to me” or “I’m bored now”...both have been used in the past!!

• Selectively exchange business cards with people you enjoyed talking to. You don’t have to exchange cards with everyone. If they don’t have any cards, ask them to write their contact details on the back of a spare one of yours (but don’t then give it out to someone else!).

After the event

• If you take somebody’s business card, jot down on the back of the card some memorable details from your conversation (think FLOR). Then enter their contact details in your database and drop them an email the next day saying you enjoyed meeting and hope you can stay in touch. This makes it easier to get back in touch months or even years later. The memorable details you wrote down on the back of the card will help give you an ice- breaker when you get back in touch “So are you still doing xyz job?”. Also see if they are on LinkedIn and connect with them.

A final thought...set yourself a goal of speaking at an event that fits your profile once in a while. This may sound ambitious for a Reluctant Networker but when you think about it, what better way to raise your profile and have lots of people coming to talk to you after your talk. It is not as difficult as you might think. The people organizing events are always on the lookout for speakers. The key is to talk about something on which you are an expert and an enthusiast. Even if you do not like public speaking, giving a talk on something you know and love is quite easy and your passion and expertise will come across. It also helps to ‘self-select’ the people you speak to afterwards as they know something about you and have chosen to come and talk to you, so you may well have something in common.

About the book and the author:

Since publishing The Reluctant Networker Neil gives inspirational talks on networking for organisations such as The FT, The National Audit Office, The IOD, Barclaycard, The LexisNexis Women’s’ Networking Group and INSEAD as well as several professional services firms. He has appeared as a guest on BBC Radio and as a networking expert on The Guardian’s Live Q&A. In addition to giving talks on networking Neil runs mdj2 associates a consulting firm working with clients on the Retail sector.

See www.reluctantnetworker.com for more information. Copies can be purchased directly from the site or from Amazon and all other major online book stores as well as selected Waterstones stores.